A dirty secret no one wants to admit is that religious people are a lot happier than atheists. Multi-country studies all found that to be true. There are a few reasons for this, but I want to discuss what I believe to be the most applicable to you and I : meaning-creation.
Meaning-creation
Esssentially all religions and philosophies deal in meaning. Buddhism and stoicism insist that external event have no meaning, that they are neutral, that we manufacture meaning in reaction. Existentialism and absurdism go one dimension further, the entire universe is meaningless, there is nothing to rely on at all, we are entirely responsible for creating all meaning.
Lastly, you have most religions (Christianity, Judaism, Islam etc), which deal in meaning transmutation. Something happens, based on the religion’s tenets it’s given a meaning.
It’s really not hard to see why it works. Imagine you lose your child. If you’re a pure atheist you know the probabilities were 1/10 000 of him dying at this age, it was incredibly unlucky and unfair, that your child is not going anywhere, he’s just dead.
Now if you’re a fervent christian, God ordained it and God always has a plan, your child is going to heaven and will have a great time, and in a few years you’ll join him to spend eternity together.
Which belief will break you? Which belief will comfort you?
How to win like the jews
It seems that the jews, no matter which country they end up, no matter their circumstances, get to the top of the socioeconomic ladder. A lot of people, rather than try to understand and learn from what makes jewish people so successful prefer to think it’s just a big conspiracy.
But virtually every jewish person I’ve met showed a very high level of energy, restlessness almost.
I followed a judaism-based course called Kabbalah. I am butchering it, but overall the genius of this philosophy is the following :
If I succeed it’s because God loves me and is rewarding me for being an amazing human.
If I fail or face obstacles, it’s because I am such a great human that I’ve been chosen by God to face those challenges to elevate me further. God must really love me.
Having this belief would lead you to feel no guilt for being successful, energized by challenges, and undeterred by setbacks.
Delusional?
The easy objection to that would be to say that just assigning any meaning you want to any event could make you delusional and not learn your lesson. You go bankrupt for the 5th time, your 4th marriage fails, your kids hate you, your dog won’t talk to you? You must be God’s favorite!
But that’s not what this kabbalah-thing says, it specifically state those challenges are meant to elevate you. They are there to teach you a lesson.
Application
At the most individual level, yourself , I’ve become convinced that in virtually any situation you should pick whatever meaning maximises your energy to face the obstacle.
At the company/management level, the greatest gift you can do for someone is essentially practicing cognitive behavioral therapy on them (only therapy proven to work for depressed people), which is meaning transmutation. To be honest I’m not very good at it yet, when I try it’s often short-lasting, but I’ve been successful a few times. And it’s as close to magic as it gets : a person is down because of a certain situation, and simply by reframing the situation and give it a new meaning, they feel fired up.